So, if you are not yet a legal adult, stop here and come back when you are. Then you can learn the Grand Secret.
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Okay, so you've gotten to this point. I'll assume you are an adult. Continue.
I've told each of my kids when they turn 18, "Okay, now that you are legally an adult [in the US], I can now tell you the grand secret of adulthood: We don't know what we are doing either. But we've been figuring things out longer than you, so you should still listen to us." (I had to add that last part with my youngest, and now I think it's the most meaningful part of the secret.)
It's easy to think, as a child, that adults know everything. And compared to you, they kind of do. Then, as you move into your teens, not only do you find that adults don't know everything, but you become completely convinced that they don't know anything, that they are just stupid. All of them. You know that you are the only one who understands all the answers.
Then, after you become an actual adult, you sooner or later you come to the realization that, 1. Adulting is (actually) hard, and 2. Maybe those adults weren't quite as stupid as I thought they were. The simple thinking of childhood wears away as the complexity of adult life settles in
As Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
This is the beginning of wisdom.
So, for those of you who are not yet adults and who knew better than to stop reading above. Save yourself some trouble and skip the "everybody is dumb but me" stage. It's not just wrong, but wrong in a painful and damaging way. It hurts you and it hurts people around you. Learn to be gracious.
For the young adults reading here, hang in there. It really does get easier (in general). Look for mentors and save yourself some headaches over the next few years. (For me, it was Dudley, my retired engineer neighbor when I was first married. Dudley has long since passed, but he was a treasure trove of wisdom and saved me and my wife many times during those early years.)
And for the older adults, share your wisdom and help make some young person's life easier--if they will let you. If they will not, then just sit back quietly, and know that some lessons have to be learned the hard way, by the school of hard knocks. But wipe that smug smile off your face if you feel it coming on: you probably don't have to think too hard to find some lessons you had to learn the hard way as well. (I'm too embarrassed to share even a few of my own.) (And remember, older person, that you are just one or two new technologies away from needing a younger person's experience and guidance.)
We are all in this life to learn important lessons. Maybe some of those lessons are related to the Grand Secret, directly or indirectly. Maybe some of those lessons are about connecting with and supporting each other. If we are humble and caring enough, we can all learn a thing are two while building meaningful relationships with people we can respect and care about. I'm certainly still learning all sorts of things about the Grand Secret, years and years after sharing it with my own kids.
.
.
.
Okay, so you've gotten to this point. I'll assume you are an adult. Continue.
I've told each of my kids when they turn 18, "Okay, now that you are legally an adult [in the US], I can now tell you the grand secret of adulthood: We don't know what we are doing either. But we've been figuring things out longer than you, so you should still listen to us." (I had to add that last part with my youngest, and now I think it's the most meaningful part of the secret.)
It's easy to think, as a child, that adults know everything. And compared to you, they kind of do. Then, as you move into your teens, not only do you find that adults don't know everything, but you become completely convinced that they don't know anything, that they are just stupid. All of them. You know that you are the only one who understands all the answers.
Then, after you become an actual adult, you sooner or later you come to the realization that, 1. Adulting is (actually) hard, and 2. Maybe those adults weren't quite as stupid as I thought they were. The simple thinking of childhood wears away as the complexity of adult life settles in
As Mark Twain said, "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
This is the beginning of wisdom.
So, for those of you who are not yet adults and who knew better than to stop reading above. Save yourself some trouble and skip the "everybody is dumb but me" stage. It's not just wrong, but wrong in a painful and damaging way. It hurts you and it hurts people around you. Learn to be gracious.
For the young adults reading here, hang in there. It really does get easier (in general). Look for mentors and save yourself some headaches over the next few years. (For me, it was Dudley, my retired engineer neighbor when I was first married. Dudley has long since passed, but he was a treasure trove of wisdom and saved me and my wife many times during those early years.)
And for the older adults, share your wisdom and help make some young person's life easier--if they will let you. If they will not, then just sit back quietly, and know that some lessons have to be learned the hard way, by the school of hard knocks. But wipe that smug smile off your face if you feel it coming on: you probably don't have to think too hard to find some lessons you had to learn the hard way as well. (I'm too embarrassed to share even a few of my own.) (And remember, older person, that you are just one or two new technologies away from needing a younger person's experience and guidance.)
We are all in this life to learn important lessons. Maybe some of those lessons are related to the Grand Secret, directly or indirectly. Maybe some of those lessons are about connecting with and supporting each other. If we are humble and caring enough, we can all learn a thing are two while building meaningful relationships with people we can respect and care about. I'm certainly still learning all sorts of things about the Grand Secret, years and years after sharing it with my own kids.
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